sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
