he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
How's work?
Spinning.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
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