he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
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