what day is it and did you see me today?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
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