smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
