Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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