omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
