When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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