I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Randomize
