Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
