Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
