Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
