He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
dude i'm so hungover my hair hurts
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
