I accidentally had phone sex last night
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
I wish my mouth had a period so that could be my excuse on those days I don't feel like giving head
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
