Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
