I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
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