You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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