Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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