I puked a lego.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
