It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
