And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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