It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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