A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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