The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
