A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
