i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
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