You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
