I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
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