apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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