Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Randomize
