Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
