In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
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