I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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