Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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