I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Randomize
