A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
