You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Randomize
