I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
