smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
