Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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