you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
