I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Randomize
