hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
