Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
