You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
