I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
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