He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
