Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
