I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
