I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
