hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
