I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
