I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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