she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
Randomize
