Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
