come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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