I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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